methane
life was ordinary for Carmax Finz. He was born, went to school, scolded by his parents, married a girl from his hometown, divorced, and finally died. Everything was just plain ordinary, aside from his name of course, his name was very strange. His mother once told him that she never got a better deal in her life than when she bought a car from Carmax and so that's why she named him Carmax. Carmax was a used car dealership that sold used cars for a non-negotiable markup. They did this because they could.
Carmax wasn't a particularly precocious person. He did well in school, got into the college his grandfather told him he would get into and graduated with average marks. While not the best student, Carmax, or Max as his college buddies took to calling him--they felt it insulting to call him by his legal name--often repeated to himself the things he learned so as to not forget them. He did this as early as he could remember.
"They told me there are digits 1 thru 9. You can combine these digits to make bigger digits. Knowing these digits will help you not be rude when tipping your waitress. They told me we live on giant plates. They move someti-all the time. I'm not sure why they move, no matter, they told me so and I believe them. They also told me cows spray gas from their anus. This gas is bad for the air"
Max was glad he remembered all his digits. His job at the bank required knowledge of so many digits that he was not sure he could keep up. The bank dealt in loans. Loans were digits created by the bank to give to others so they could buy things. Max got some of these digits twice a month. He was happy to receive these digits.
Eventually, Max figured the more digits he gave away, the bigger the digit on his paycheck was. He could figure this out because he went to college and remembered his digits.
Much to the surprise of everyone at his firm, Max was ranked 5th in the sub-territory for most digits created. This meant he would receive a large bonus at the end of the year. The end of the year was 119 days away.
Max had an account at another firm which is where he stored his personal digits. This was common practice at his firm. His firm didn't deal with digits the same way the other firm did. The magnitude of Max's digit placed him squarely in the top 1000 accounts at the firm his account was held. The digit looked like this: $1,000,000. They sent him cookies every year. He didn't like cookies very much but kept them anyway, they didn't cost him any digits after-all.
"They told me the world is made of small billiard balls. Sometimes these balls were waves instead. I'm not sure why some are waves and some are not, no matter, that's what they told me and I believe them. The first book ever written was written near a river. That river was good for growing corn and hemp. Cows eat corn and produce noxious fumes. I know this because I've smelled it"
10 years into his job, things had begun to change. Max was loaning digits at a rate no one had ever seen, the same was true for his co-workers. He was no longer 5th in his sub-territory, He was 48th. Max was getting older.
The digits in his account no longer satisfied his wife. She could no longer buy the things she wanted even though Max had the biggest digit he's ever had in his account at the other firm. The digit looked like this: $10,000,000. Max told her that he could make her a digit at his firm. They did it all the time after-all. The suggestion soured her perception of him. She left Max for someone with a bigger digit. His digit looked like this: $100,000,000.
"All of the drinking water in the world would fit into a drop no bigger than Pluto. Pluto was a planet once. They do not eat cows in India. Instead, they use their shit as fuel. This fuel releases gas that warms the air. The warm air makes more gas which makes the air warmer and so on. I'm not sure when this stops, no matter, this is what they told me and I believe it."
Max was no longer giving out digits. His firm couldn't give out new digits fast enough even if they tried. This is what his account looked liked the day he stopped working: $100,000,000,000. Now, he was only in the middle third of accounts at the other firm. They stopped sending cookies.
He heard that people were coming after digit lenders. They blamed them for the digit crisis. The vile things Max heard scared him and he decided he did not want to go like that. He remembered that like cows, cars spit out nasty gas. Enough of the nasty gas and you wouldn't wake up again. He closed the garage door, got in his car and turned it on. The smell of methane filled the room.
"They never told me a digit could get too big"
